Pour me some bubbly...

Last week, I got some truly wonderful news from one of my most favourite people in the whole world: She just got engaged. The guy is amazing, they're perfect for each other and I'm absolutely thrilled. Truly, honestly, unwaveringly. She’s the second among my besties to get engaged recently and it’s all so exciting. My friends are doing such a great job of picking great guys! Another wedding to plan! A couple more and we can have our own episode of 4 weddings. (Dougie’s mom perhaps? No pressure). Plus there are new babies on the way – though it’s totally different friends who are expecting, so don’t think I’m feeding anything into the rumor mill. Congratulations to all!

I was so excited I called my mom on skype, bursting to tell her, and by the time I got the words out…

I was in tears.

Huge, gasping, I-don’t-know-where-this-is-coming-from-I-really-am-so-happy-despite-the-fact-that-these-tears-betray-me-man-there-must-be-some-deep-shit-going-on-inside tears. The kind of tears that your mom will never judge you for cause she’s your mom, nor will any of the friends who are awesome and love you despite the fact that you’re a total nutter.

Immediately afterwards, I felt super guilty. How horrible that I could take this amazing news about someone I love so much and who deserves every happiness, and then taint it because I’m feeling sorry for myself? Surely that makes me a horrible friend, even thought I know she’d instantly forgive me?

My sobbing continued when Trainer called moments later to say good night and I made the mistake of answering. I did my best to smile through the I'm-embarrassed-and-trying-not-to-cry-but-can't-help-it-please-don't-think-Im-desperate-and-pathetic-let's-change-the-subject conversation.

Trainer responded with something like “it will be [my] turn soon” (I rolled my eyes and silently wished that he wasn’t ice cream). But it was the best thing he could have said to me at that moment because I realized how wrong that felt... I actually wasn’t upset that it wasn’t me! Praise the Lord I’m not a horribly selfish friend! (Just keep in mind that this is my blog, so it’s supposed to be about me).

Although I certainly was feeling sorry for myself, it was from thinking about not being there to celebrate- again - about missing out on popping the champagne and toasting to the happy couple – again - about not getting to attend housewarmings or meet babies while they’re still freshies or wear a bridesmaid dress (that of course I’d have been able to wear again) -again.

I’m rather choosy about whom I let into my inner circle, and the people who have gained entry pull me through more tough days than could ever be reasonably expected from any friend. In a stadium full of people, my cheering section would undoubtedly be the loudest. My tears were because I’m not always there to give back all that energy in the same way as they deserve. Trying to skype in to a lifelong friend’s wedding sucks balls when you want to be standing beside her cheering her on on her Big Day and holding up her dress when she needs to pee.

Now, this news came while I was in the midst of replying to another friend’s email, whereby he announced to me that he had recently eaten his first blooming onion and that it was just mediocre. I suspected that perhaps my nerves were already rattled by the knowledge that his blooming onion wasn’t a life changing experience. Ya, that must have been it. The engagement news just caught me at an already fragile moment.

In the off chance that it was more than just battered and deep fried oniony [not-so-]deliciousness that tipped me over the edge, I think the lesson here is that I need to try harder to make sure that the people I love know it and feel it and know I’m also standing in their front row screaming my head off for them in these Big Moments. I also suspect that a bottle (or two) of champagne is exactly what the doctor ordered. 

Anyways, this post might have been about me, but the toast is just for you: To a lifetime of well deserved love, laughter and adventure. To the happy couple!

(ps. I’ll help any of you pee, anytime.)

(pps. Ok, so perhaps a few of the tears were it's-not-me tears, but they were definitely in the minority and nowhere near enough for anyone to hold against me.)