Incident Reporting

The evening after my first day in class, I joined my friend at her place to discuss the day’s training(/er).

Trainer (as he shall now be called) phoned and, upon learning that I was literally two doors away from where he was staying, suggested I pop by. I agreed, but warned him that Friend would be left with all his details, would be in regular contact – and would, if necessary, show up to straighten him out with Big Security Friends.

The evening started better than it ended.

The following morning, Day 2 training was slightly awkward between Trainer and I, but we managed. Our late morning agenda consisted of learning about (security) Incident Reporting and Incident Report Analysis. Trainer gave us scenarios about being harassed at a military checkpoint, and we were to write up the Incident Report and then do the Report Analysis. He would then collect, review, and have a few people present theirs.

This is what I handed in:

(edited slightly for adult content and language)

INCIDENT REPORT

Date of Report: July 4

Date of Incident: July 3

Time of Incident: Approximately 10:10pm

Type of Incident: Romantic/Unfortunate

Who was involved: Mzungu GOAL, Trainer

(Authors note: mzungu means ‘white person’ in Swahili)

Location of Incident: Trainer’s guesthouse, ugly red couch opposite flat screen tv, around corner from Orange House

(Author’s note: Orange House is what we call one of the houses my organization owns. It’s orange. Aren’t we creative?)

Describe the Incident/What happened?

New NGO employee sent to attend 3 day workshop. NGO employee (Heather) very cute and can’t help that. Attends first day of training and is pleased that trainer is also cute and catches her attention. Trainer also notices Heather. Trainer loses train of thought when Heather smiles at him. Heather thinks this is a fun game.

At lunch Trainer sits with Heather and they engage in conversation, resulting in a request for her phone number.

Later in the evening, Trainer invites Heather for a visit. Heather is cautious but also interested so she agrees.

Chatting happens.

Kissing happens.

Trainer calls Heather ‘baby’ for yet another time that evening. Heather inquires as to whether or not Trainer knows her name. Trainer is silent. Cell phone entry on Trainer’s mobile labeled “Mzungu GOAL” confirms that Trainer does not, in fact, know Heather’s name.

Heather leaves. Immediately.

Trainer provides lame excuses by way of numerous text message and presumably by phone calls that Heather doesn’t answer.

Explanation/Why did the incident happen?

Men are assholes.

Report prepared by: Mzungu GOAL

REPORT ANALYSIS

Account of Incident:

Boy meets girl.

Boy disrespects girl.

Girl deserves better.

Boy is taught lesson by girl.

Identification of Failures in Procedure:

·         Trainer failed to consult participants list to learn name of girl he asked out

·         Trainer failed to follow basic boy/girl protocol; Trainer should have invited Heather on proper date – not at his house – so he could get to know her

·         Heather should not have accepted invite

 Recommendations:

·         Trainer should apologize and feel bad

·         Trainer should figure out girl's name and how he is going to make it up to her before she will consider forgiving him

·         Trainer should reevaluate his procedures on how he deals with women

·         Trainer should try to think with the head on top of his body, not the one between his legs

·         Heather to update her policy on when to walk out on a man, in light of this new and very appropriate scenario

·         Trainer should implement Name Cards as standard operating procedure in future workshops, especially if he hopes to date any more participants

·         Heather to take disciplinary action against Trainer

Report prepared by: Heather

I wasn’t asked to present.