I have a problem[1], and my problem is this: my women’s’ intuition and my girly bits seem to be inexplicably linked – and they both tingle at the same time. I really should see a chiropractor to see if I can get it sorted out, because my current alignment is becoming rather inconvenient.
It’s a problem because it obviously means that if you’re likely to crush my heart into a million little pieces – even if I know this is the most likely end scenario – in a room full of choices, I almost exclusively find myself cozying up to you, The Bad Life Decision.
This is also a problem because it means that when a Nice Guy is interested in me – someone who wants to talk about feelings, who would gladly take on the chores list my mom would undoubtedly produce when we visited, who wants a family (that includes only one wife – more about that some other time) and would tread extremely carefully around my already rather fragile heart – well… no tingle.
I was discussing this with a friend recently, and her advice has stuck with me.
Her: You'll have to train yourself to find 'nice' a sexy quality....I learned to like spinach...
Her: Just avoid the ice cream and eat your vegetables…
Me: This is totally going to end up in a blog.
Her: Though as it is now, you make my afternoons interesting...
So today I’m eating my vegetables. Well, trying. I can’t give the guy a pseudonym cause he’s too nice for me to make fun of and I’d probably go to hell for it plus I’m already feeling guilty enough for comparing him to spinach. (Totally good for me, but I just don’t want it near my mouth). But let’s just say that it has taken a last minute 8 hour overnight bus journey (on his part) that enabled a day of lounging by the pool under an overcast sky to confirm what I already suspected but was hoping could change: zero tingle.
I’m pretending to be an adult these days (at least occasionally), so we’ve now discussed it. It was an unfortunate turn of events that I don’t think he saw coming, and for which I’ve apologized profusely and ended up in tears over (which he of course tenderly wiped from my face while saying he hoped one day I might feel differently, because, as already explained, he’s a Really Nice Guy, just not the Right Really Nice Guy – for me. Damn you spinach).
If I could shake the Just Friends feeling I would, but as my dad would say: it is what it is.
Anyways, if you know any assholes, send them my way - I’ve got an opening in my dance card.
[1] Truth be told, we all know that I actually have many problems, but I’m working on trying to focus so lets pick on one thing at a time
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