For this post to make sense, there are a few things you need to know.
Thing One:
When I’m in Juba, I live in a house with 6 other people. Though this house cannot quite accurately be called a shit hole, it leaves a lot to desire. The main interior of the house is a long L-shaped hallway, and has notoriously bad air flow and is always hotter on the inside than on the outside, which is problematic. It’s got all the usual bells and whistles including a high barbed wire fence and bars on the windows. Here’s a wee diagram so you can picture what will later become relevant:
I work for an organization that is known for being quite conservative with their security policies. Sometimes the other kids at the expat parties laugh at us but that’s ok, we can take it. Security in Juba is getting a bit dicey these days (no, I’m not going to give you details. My grandmother will read this. She already prays hard enough) but we have staff who are responsible for worrying about this sort of stuff and telling us what we need to know – so yes, I’m fine. Promise.
The most recent security related document that has been circulated to all expat staff – with a request to become familiar with its contents – related to fire safety. It’s probably about 10 pages long and I got bored and stopped reading pretty much before I started, but I’m a smart cookie and was a girl guide so I’m sure I’ve already got the basics down. I know my Stop, Drop n’ Roll.
With all of that in mind, now let me share with you a conversation that I had with a colleague / housemate earlier today. I am currently in Khartoum; she was reporting from Juba.
Her: omg
Her: big house news
Me: yes...
Her: we asked for them to fix the sink in the corridor, as it keeps flooding quite dramatically
Her: they did not do that
Her: they did however, in the space of one day
Her: put a door in the corridor
Me: ummm???...
Her: for "security"
Her: but they put it as you turn the corner
(then sent simultaneously)
Me: ah, so that me and AS can keep the intruders busy for awhile while the rest of you call for help? And also cut off the already terrible airflow in the house?
Her: so if we get robbed / shot at - you and AS are fucked
Her: and yes the airflow is also not good...
Her: so we were utterly perplexed by this
Me: Interesting. I’m going to have to have a chat with someone about this
Her: all we want is a sink that doesn’t flood!!
Me: who has keys for this new door?
Me: and if there's a fire and you're locked back there, how will you get to either of the 2 exits on the other side of the house?
Her: oh i have not seen a key Heather
Her: just a door...
Me: classic.
Her: oh ya. now a door out of the back of the house: that would have been useful
Her: painting the house
Her: new water cooler that doesn’t HEAT the water
Her: inverters working
(that’s a back up battery so we can still have power for awhile after the generator goes off, for those of you who don’t know what an inverter is)
Her: functional kitchen
Her: all would have been welcomed
Her: A DOOR?!
Her: a POINTLESS DOOR???!
Her: just sometimes I despair!!
Me: I'm going to write a letter. and by that I mean an email.
Her: NC has already written
Me: keep me posted. But since I've been designated one of two sacrificial lambs, I will likely not be able to keep quiet
Her: and I quote
“ Hi (guy in charge of security)
I just wondered why we have a new door halfway down our corridor in XX House? It has been placed with 2 rooms on one side and 5 on the other which is confusing us a bit! I can’t imagine it is a fire door as it has a wooden frame and a large gap underneath. In fact if it was closed it will become a fire hazard because there are only two keys, and with 7 occupants in the house, and people moving in and out all the time, it will be easy for it to become locked and then for someone to get locked in. This has happened with the front door before, but luckily you can get out the kitchen door from inside without a key. This wouldn’t be possible if locked on the wrong side of this door.
Anyway if you can throw some light on it that would be good, because as I say we are all very confused at the moment. Especially as last time we discussed doors we asked for another one to the outside from the far end of the house to provide a safe escape route in case of fire, and instead what has happened is that we have gained another door on the inside.
Me: ah, can always count on NC :)
Her: haaaa yes
Her: you will bear the brunt of angry robbers who can't get through the house
Her: because gunshots wouldn’t go through a mildly crappy metal door?
Me: that probably wouldn't be locked anyways
Her: they'd just take the door down
Me: or open it and walk through
Her: ya zackly.honestlyyyyyy
Me: cause you know no one would get their shit together in time to lock that baby up if there was an intrusion. Except maybe NC. If she were there. But she's leaving soon. So you'd be screwed too.
Her: haaaahaha yep
And that, my dear friends and family, is a taste of Juba logic for you: try to keep the sink from flooding and end up the on the wrong side of a useless door. Or the right side, depending on whether or not you're more worried about home invasions or getting trapped in a fire.
Awesome.
Awesome.
1 comment:
Heather, Your an awesome writer. Keep safe while your away. All the best. xo Susan
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